billy bob and the trooper.
- Thread starter buckhorn76
- Start date
For the Treckies.
Crafty.... when we lived in the Old town we had two toilets, a bathtub and an old wringer washer with flowers planted in them. Had people taking pictures of them all summer, lol. Tourists eat that stuff up.
Chickens of Anarchy....
If you need that .....
A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell IHe could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left toot - Behind - The Bush" !!!
our spelling nanny changed the common 3 letter word for breast to toot , lol.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell IHe could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left toot - Behind - The Bush" !!!
our spelling nanny changed the common 3 letter word for breast to toot , lol.
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest ***** she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."
· I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.
· I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems – the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
· When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
· As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
· The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
· I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
· You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera
· Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
· My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...
· A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"
· I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
· Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.
· It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
· I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.
· I don't think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.
· There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
· My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
· Sorry I'm late but I wanted to make sure I missed most of it.
· Teacher: "Are you sleeping in my class?" Student: "Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could."
· If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "how did you get in my house?!" business.
· I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
· I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.
· I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems – the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
· When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
· As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
· The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
· I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
· You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera
· Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
· My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...
· A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"
· I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
· Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.
· It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
· I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.
· I don't think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.
· There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
· My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
· Sorry I'm late but I wanted to make sure I missed most of it.
· Teacher: "Are you sleeping in my class?" Student: "Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could."
· If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "how did you get in my house?!" business.
· I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed.
Standing behind her is a saleswoman.
-----"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"
"Madam," she answers,
"If you farted just touching it, you're gonna s**t when you hear the price."
As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed.
Standing behind her is a saleswoman.
-----"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"
"Madam," she answers,
"If you farted just touching it, you're gonna s**t when you hear the price."
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his trousers, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess.. Smallcox?"....
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his trousers, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess.. Smallcox?"....
