billy bob and the trooper.
- Thread starter buckhorn76
- Start date
"1,000 Valentines"
A guy walked into the post office one day to see
a middle-aged balding man standing at the
counter methodically placing "love" stamps on
bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then took out a perfume bottle and starting
spraying scent over all the letters. His curiosity
getting the better of him, he went up and asked
the balding guy what he was doing.
The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentines's
cards signed, 'guess who?'"
"But why?"
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.
A guy walked into the post office one day to see
a middle-aged balding man standing at the
counter methodically placing "love" stamps on
bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then took out a perfume bottle and starting
spraying scent over all the letters. His curiosity
getting the better of him, he went up and asked
the balding guy what he was doing.
The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentines's
cards signed, 'guess who?'"
"But why?"
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding in a C1
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Cop: Don't have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this Corvette
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body is in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her Corvette
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this Corvette and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature Ladies
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Cop: Don't have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this Corvette
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body is in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her Corvette
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this Corvette and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature Ladies
Last edited:
pretty neat illusion. those fingernail create the illusion that he ran out of toilet paper though !!!!
I was in a coffee shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I
> realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the
> music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed
> my
> farts to the beat of the music.
>
> After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my
> coffee
> and noticed that everyone was staring at me.. .....
> I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod ...........so how
> was
> your day?
>
> This is what happens when old people start using technology!
>
> realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the
> music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed
> my
> farts to the beat of the music.
>
> After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my
> coffee
> and noticed that everyone was staring at me.. .....
> I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod ...........so how
> was
> your day?
>
> This is what happens when old people start using technology!
>
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,
What day is tomorrow?".
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Prime Minister Day!".
She's smart, so I asked her "What does Prime Minister Day mean?".
I was waiting for something about Trudeau or Martin, etc.
She replied, "Prime Minister Day is when Prime Minister Harper steps out of
the Prime Minister Mansion,
And if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of "Bull s**t."
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.......
What day is tomorrow?".
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Prime Minister Day!".
She's smart, so I asked her "What does Prime Minister Day mean?".
I was waiting for something about Trudeau or Martin, etc.
She replied, "Prime Minister Day is when Prime Minister Harper steps out of
the Prime Minister Mansion,
And if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of "Bull s**t."
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.......
doctor - well, billy bob, it looks like you will need a liver transplant.
billy bob - i don't think so scooter, ah jus' got this one nicely broke in.
billy bob - i don't think so scooter, ah jus' got this one nicely broke in.
Single Black Female
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
Love the response this ad got!!
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.... Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.
Colin.
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
Love the response this ad got!!
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.... Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.
Colin.
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